Chua is a second-generation Chinese-American, whose parents are academics that immigrated from the Philippines. She describes her strict parenting style as a replica of her mom's parenting style, the "Chinese mother" parenting style. She has not allowed her daughters to:
• attend a sleepover
• have a playdate
• be in a school play
• complain about not being in a school play
• watch TV or play computer games
• choose their own extracurricular activities
• get any grade less than an A
•
not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
WHAT? If this was "Chinese," how would that work for all the other students who can't be No. 1?
• play any instrument other than the piano or violin
• not play the piano or violin.
HOLY CRAP. Does it get more stereotypical than this? I admit that my mom is at times a toned down version of this "Chinese mother," and many of my Chinese-American friends would probably identify with one or two of these bullet points, but this is not an average Chinese mother. This is a super-concentrated version of a many different strict mothers, boxed and labeled as a "Chinese mother."
My Chinese momma did not immigrate to get an education, and did not come with one either. She worked in a garment factory in Chinatown where she was paid by the number of zippers she sewed and the number of buttons she attached. As I was growing up, she bought test prep books and encouraged me to do them, but there was no way she could make sure I was doing the practice problems correctly. As I chose my own extracurricular activities, and watched TV, and played computer games, we sometimes bickered but I was able and am still able to convince her that I know what's good for myself.
I look back fondly on all the lunar calendar Chinese holidays that I celebrated at home, where my mom would buy delicious roast meat from a butcher, and prepare fish and vegetables for the many Buddhist deities. Before eating the too-big-to-fit-on-one-table meal, my brother and I would pour rice wine in three mini cups and say prayers to the God of the Heaven, the God of the Earth, and our grandfather. These prayers were typical: health and prosperity for our family and friends. But, a tongue in cheek "年年考第一," meaning "Be the best in school every year," always finished our prayers. I was never actually No. 1, but that was okay.
What I find unsettling about Chua's analysis is that she creates a freaky dichotomy between Chinese mothers and "Western" mothers. (A side note: as a woman who was born and raised in America, how is Chua not a Western mother herself?) Aren't all good parents concerned about their children's academic success? According to Chua, "If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a screaming, hair-tearing explosion." (cough cough Model Minority MYTH)
I get that Chua is proud of her kids - the WSJ essay has a picture of one of her daughters playing piano at Carnegie Hall and - but their "success" is probably as much a product of her strictness as it is a part of the privilege of having educated parents, non stop private lessons etc. In my observations, "success" requires neither crazy strictness nor abundant resources (although the latter must be nice). Students range from the "successful" to the not so "successful," parents (yes, even Chinese parents) range from the strict to the super lax, households range from loaded ($$$) to paycheck-to-paycheck, and the equation that puts all these factors together is not so simple. Chua's essay is not an apt description of the "Chinese mother," but a long congratulation for herself, and plug for her new book.
Although the essay has many gems, the last paragraph is the best. She writes:
"Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away."
Woah, my Chinese momma did all of these POSITIVE things, "Western" and "Chinese," without being batshit crazy. So please, no superficial, simplistic distinctions between Chinese mothers and "Western" mothers please.
